Wednesday, October 27, 2010


     Have you ever found yourself frustrated in a relationship, had that "stuck" feeling and wanted things to be different but have no clue how to change?  This is a common trait of those who find themselves reacting to those they love in ways that either take care of them, gripe, whine and cry at them or generally have hurt feelings because of the way the are treated (or not treated) by their significant other.  The relational trap referred to as codependency, is very unconcious.  It creates a pattern in which one finds themselves reacting instead of choosing to ct in a mindful and concious way.  It results in one being limited to behave in one of three roles:  caregiver (enabler, rescuer), victim (martyr), or abuser (bully, intimidator, whiner, griper). 

 When one is limited to one of these three roles in their significant relationships, one tends to find others who also are most comfortable acting in one of these three roles as well.  People who have a need to be in one of these three roles to feel comfortable in relating to others are mosst comfortable seeking out others who also operate out of one of these roles because they automatically know "the rules" and fit into the pattern of the other.  These roles become very comfortable and familiar.  In actuality, it is highly discomfiting to behave outside one of these familiar roles.  Thus lies the challenge.

In order to make a change, one of the partners must break the pattern and learn to live in a mindful way, making decisions and choosing behaviors that are independent of the others reactions. 

If you would like to learn this way of relating and believe you have a "stuck" relationship, give the office a call and allow one of our qualified counselors to assist you in finding a new way of interacting.

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